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Player: Europian  UndeterminedChessHere Silver Member Subject: Chess Jokes

2011-08-01 23:59:25
any one knows any chess jokes? here are a few Chuck Norris chess jokes :) Chuck Norris can promote his pawns to kings. Chuck Norris can checkmate you while he’s still in check There are no chekmates in chess, there are only Chuck-mates Chuck Norris moves his pieces by only staring at them, They move by themself out of fear. Chuck Norris can move his pawns backwards.-
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1Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-08-02 07:19:06
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why?\", they asked, as they moved off. \"Because,\" he said, \"I can\'t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.\" -

2United  RiverTam2011-08-02 15:26:12
You got my favorite, Zahnarzt!-

3Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-08-03 11:44:08
25 years ago a player in Adelaide had a reputation for being a practical joker. In a club game one night there was a power black out for 2 minutes. When the lights returned it took his opponent a full 10 seconds to realise that his queen, which he had thought was on d8, was no longer on the board. -

4Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-08-03 11:57:04
Three or four years ago a chess columnist was telling me about a player called Wally “X” who had been continuously involved in rows of one sort or another with other players and had been warned by the Association that he might be banned. This columnist told me how he was looking for a cartoonist to draw a playing hall full of chess players hard at their work and with a caricature of this feisty player at one of the background boards hitting his opponent on the head with the chess set. The caption would be, “Where’s Wally?”-

5International  Bioglo2011-10-11 15:11:08
Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, \"My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she\'ll take the kids and leave me.\" The other asks him, \"So what are you going to do?\" And the other answers, \"Same as always, e4.\"-

6Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-10-12 13:43:23
Good choice. I\'d always choose e4 too.-

7Netherlands  tilburg18962011-10-12 23:50:57
never heard better jokes. Hilarious, especially the ones from the dentist-

8India  PrashantKSinha2011-10-13 11:14:31
if we compare life as a chess then marriage we can take as a check, children as a trap and retirement a checkmate. but if we don marry then enjoying is a checked mate and we become such player whose result always same. that\'s all folks-

9India  BlueScorpion2011-10-13 11:19:44

10India  PrashantKSinha2011-10-13 11:27:42
i understand your confusion friend because after marriage we all are confused. take it easy friend-

11Canada  cc14226285672011-10-13 17:03:30
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband !-

12India  PrashantKSinha2011-10-13 17:46:20
well said friend. i hope my jock did not embarrassed any body. let me tell one more jock. any bettle can be won if you marry the opponent queen. but if you do this in real chess without support that mean you are suiciding.-

13United  GoodKnightDear2011-10-14 11:35:53
PrashantKSinha, thank you for that beautiful insight into life. I think you are right. But you know England\'s most famous queen, Elizabeth the Great, died without issue and without marrying. And she did cut off her cousin Mary\'s head. How can one explain that?-

14England  cc1422628553ChessHere Moderator2011-10-14 12:34:46
Her dad Henry V111 was no souch either when it came to the chopping block. -

15England  cc1422628553ChessHere Moderator2011-10-14 12:35:50

16Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-10-14 13:35:08
If Henry kept the heads of just a few of his execution victims, he could have made up a nice outdoor chess set. Short of a couple of kings though.-

17Australia  ZahnarztChessHere Gold Member2011-10-14 13:51:49
“Marshall of France, Francois de Bassompierre, shocked the court, himself and his king, Henry IV, first of the Buorbon kings, by breaking wind loudly and involuntarily while making a knight move in a game with the king. His future as a courtier hanging in shreds, the wretched Bassompierre had enough sang-freud left to explain, ‘Your Majesty, my knight will not move if he does not hear the trumpet call.’ The king, it is recorded, smiled a wintry smile. But Bassompierre probably wasn’t invited back for a while.” Fox and James-

18United  neverherebefore2017-10-13 13:02:31
white = Qe6. black = Kh8 Qe4 Rf7 g7 h7. I played Qe8+ -

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